Besides Tumblr, I was never the one to sit down and write my feelings or thoughts down. I hated sharing. I would just reblog peoples things, from puppies to sex and everything in between. Since I’ve decided to start this whole blogging situation, I’ve chosen to share a part of me that I’ve been so unbelievably proud to be sharing now days.
Well guys, I’m gay.
The first time I ever wondered or even considered the fact that I wasn’t straight was at 9 years old. I felt friendlier with friends that were girls, boys were just simply too annoying. Lol. Fast forward a couple years after my obsession with John Cena, Eminem, Enrique Iglesias and of course the Backstreet Boys, came freshman year of High School. I was 16. My first girl crush, my first love, my first heart break, all in one single person. At this point, my feelings for this person grew more and more each day, the fact that she was a girl didn’t affect me. In ways, I felt even more connected to her. Because of the unbelievable bond we grew to have, it drove me to believe that I was bisexual. For the following years, thats how I labeled myself. My friends were perfectly fine with it, my cousins were cool with it and things were normal. I dated a guy after we broke up and then I realized, “yup, this is definitely NOT for me”. When I was between the ages of 18-19, I was exposed a lot more to gay functions. I went to different Pride events and gay clubs, I felt at home. The feeling of comfort was like no other.
My “coming out story” was a little all over the place. I came out to different people at different times but the most important person was my mom. I could have every single human being’s blessing in this world but the only opinion that I cared about was hers. At the beginning of 2015 I had came out to my dad and a few other cousins, but in June 2015…I decided to come out to my mother. She has been wondering since I was 13 years old and she had asked me a couple times since then but it was never confirmed to her. It was finally time… I sat her down and I said I had to tell her something.
My hands were shaking, my mouth was dry. The tv was off, so it was quiet. I swear I could hear my heart beating a thousand beats a minute. My mom is such an old school parent. She is pretty religious and would mention at times how much of a sin being gay was, so I was terrified for her reaction. I took a deep breath and asked “you love me right? No matter what…” she said “yes of course” (in Spanish). I began telling her how I know that it may not be what she wanted and told her that I didn’t chose to be what I am but that I liked girls. She was still. Everything was quiet. I started crying, I started bawling and apologizing. I was not sorry for being gay but I was very sorry for hurting her. After that, she kind of seemed nonchalant, she said she couldn’t do anything about it but that she loved me. I felt a little relieved but a little hurt that she wasn’t necessarily happy about it.
Years after, 2018, after every struggle dealing with being scared about what people and my family would think of me… I am so amazingly happy to say that I can now talk to my mom about girls. I can now, vent about relationships, show pictures of my crushes and talk freely to my friends about girls and not worry what she may think. It feels so great to be able to BE ME. I’m a lesbian and that’s okay. Although things are not 100%, I know that Im on the road to acceptance.