I am not much of a writer. Well, I’m not much a photographer either, but here I am with a whole website dedicated to my photography. lol Anyways, posts like these aren’t something that I feel entirely comfortable sharing but for some reason, I felt like sharing today.
I wrote what you’re about to read at the end of last year, mid December-ish.
“I need to just disappear. I don’t want to exist for a little bit. I want to take myself out of this whole equation and just breath. Life can be so overwhelming. Somedays I swear I’m fine but somedays I feel like I’m breaking. I feel like the weight on my shoulders is unbearable. I feel weak, exhausted and half alive.
I know that there are real issues going on in the world and I know that I may be a little selfish for feeling the way I feel, but I just can’t help it. I’m not sure how I’m living right now. I’m not sure how I’m getting anything done because I swear, I feel beat. I wish there was a reboot button on my brain, heart and soul.”
Sad life. Can you tell?
I came across it today and it made me realize how much better I’m doing now. I told myself at the beginning of the year that I will try to be happier, no matter what it took. And now, mid April, I am content to say that I no longer feel this way. Yes, there are bad moments and days, but I am learning to over come these times by pushing through and achieving a level of “okayness” that wasn’t necessarily easy to reach before. It’s easier now. It’s easier to feel happy and I love it!
When I was reading that post, I also came across this next one. It was written in mid-January.
“May I say “No” when I want to without feeling guilty.
May I love myself a little bit more each day.
May I put myself first, always.
May I learn how to value myself.
May I appreciate my own beauty.
May I try new things without being afraid of what people think.
May I learn how to control my anxiety.
May I cry less for other people who aren’t worth the tears.
May I keep my head high while people try to do otherwise.
May I love hard and unconditionally without being afraid to get hurt.”
I swear you’d think two different people wrote these! I’m so happy that I found these because, if we’re being honest, I’m doing a damn good job with this list. Well, at least a lot better than I would have done last year.
Baby steps. Im getting there. Im enjoying this change in me. It’s refreshing.